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Definitely NOT leaving airbrushing, but...

Discussion in 'Open Bar!' started by Wan2BCreative, Jan 27, 2014.


  1. Mr.Micron

    Mr.Micron Royal pain in the air hose Admin

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    In32 years of marriage both my wife and I have had many hobbies. Plus I have tried to get my kids to at least try them.
    But now she likes to read and I go paint . Life is to short not to do the things that makes us happy.
  2. RebelAir

    RebelAir Air-Valve Autobot!

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    Sheesh been there and done that LOL...

    Compromise, likely if she's complaining that you are spending too much time on your hobby, maybe you are..maybe laying off for a bit and spending more quality time is needed, ultimately if you feel she's your soulmate...make her happy.

    But...When I say compromise, ask her if you can at least have one day a week to put towards your enjoyment and hobby, if she loves you as much as you love her there is no way she should say no, especially if the other 6 days involve better quality time for the both of you..Backing off completely will just no doubt create resentment in your mind if airbrushing is indeed your relaxation outlet..

    My wife loves horses and devotes a LOT of time to them, I would never dream of trying to stop that even though its an expensive hobby that we both have to give up things for, as I know how much it means to her, hopefully she will log onto your account and see that there are no doubt hundreds of married, mature people here that make it work with their better halves. Good luck..

    Oh and btw, if she wants you 100% of the time, give it too her for a few weeks, she'll soon want you to have a hobby LOL..
  3. MeeshellMP

    MeeshellMP Goddess Queen of carts Mod

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    WOW!! Im gonna be a good girl, and keep my sailor mouth on LOCK DOWN lol.. the virbrator thing? Oh, I would put hot sauce on that sucker lolol..This is a shame, when another person is trying to control things you enjoy. Coming from an X Abusive relationship? Yeah I quit doing EVERYTHING that he told me to do. And let me tell ya, it only got worse from there...lucky I got out with my life!! (Yep, sent him to jail) Also, not gonna say bad things about her, thats who you love...But hello Glen Close ..fatal attraction!!!
    I ab during the day, so when the family comes home, my time is spent with them. I dont ab on the weekends, unless i have a hot job. But thats me, not cause my hubbs is trying to control me..THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN lolol...you cant control crazy!!
    Also, ...he is sitting right here, and could care less if i am on the forum...he feels left out if I dont show him others progress...My husband is a proud meat muffin!! Sometimes, if im being a bitch he tells me, why dont you go paint something jesus!!
    Point is, when someone is that insecure with themselves? Its really unfair of them to try to make you just as miserable.
    My two cents worth...and behaved my mouth lolol
  4. ad fez

    ad fez kind of a big deal = Admington

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    Yer I paint in the evenings. ... Once kids are in bed and often once the Mrs is in bed. .. We are both extraordinary humans in the fact we can watch a bit of telly and surf Web on our phones at same time. .... I'll sit there. .. talk while she is watching some crap on tv.... surf on here. ...blah blah blah. ... point is. ... my painting doesn't inconvenience anyone. ... and while in doing that she can watch all her rubbish on tv..... weekends I may get the odd hour in the day but tbh I want to spend most with the kids..... Kids are great. ... But "quality time" with the other half. .... You can keep that. .... quality time just means sit there bored out of your mind whilst she watches soaps and dramas
  5. airbrushingferret

    airbrushingferret Air-Valve Autobot!

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    I dont know what to say at least your not spending all night at the gin mill as dfar as soul mates go if she were your soul mate and said not to spend so much time on the forum and going to aairbrush sites that doesn't sound like much of a soul mate if your painting is sonmethiong you plan too go profesionakl with i would try to maake her uunderstand as far as i feel even though its a completly diferent situation i was told by my land lord nt to paint any more and now i am in fklorida so tomorow i paint and i might even oplay around tonight
  6. Mr.Micron

    Mr.Micron Royal pain in the air hose Admin

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    I was waiting to see a big sign that reads FREEDOM!!! or at least a youtube video on how I survived and escaped a nazi land lord...

    Not paint with the freedom you have thought about for so long..Paint!!
  7. rab3rd

    rab3rd Elite Member! Elite Member!

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    The thing I find that sucks the most about being divorced and single is….. I can do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, and all the money is mine….


    Good luck to you but I would question a future that starts as yours has…. An ultimatum is a master key to any door lock I have ever owned...
  8. CALz AyrWKz

    CALz AyrWKz Moderator Mod

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    I was going to post a long comment.. but decided not to.

    Here's the thing.. being a creative person... if my hubby wasn't understanding with my passion for art and said I could no longer create art, it would be like ripping my soul from me. Because that is who I am. But he would never do that to me, because he loves me and supports me. Just saying...
  9. yelloscoot

    yelloscoot Spider Splatterer

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    I just hope she HAS read this far. Maybe she'll have a better attitude and a change of heart. Good luck man.
  10. ductape

    ductape Spider Splatterer

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    I agree with most others here. This sounds like a red flag to me. If you are not being obsessive; she is, something isn't right.
  11. JackEb

    JackEb The Dragon Hunter Staff Member Admin

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    Glad to see some gals posting replies here and I agree with them 100%
    'Control' "insecure" and everything in between !!

    If you were physically/verbally abusive, spent the mortgage money every week on booze and other non essentials then she would have a case for an ultimatum but if you are doing none of those things then she's being unfair! Just because you are together it shouldn't mean you do the exact same things with the exact same people !! Geeze, why is she trying to change what she was initially attracted to ?? She may not like what you become.

    My quote for you:
    "What you allow, is what will always continue"
    Make a compromise - you will cut down but not stop doing something you enjoy !
  12. splasha

    splasha Detail Decepticon!

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    My poor, long-suffering spouse is also married to a fisherman, as well as an avid A/bing fan.
    Not much hope there, hey!
    I agree with the sentiments expressed above by other members, but particularly NOT with the comment about this forum [and its members!] being a waste of time.
    How rude!
    I have learned so much and been given the most helpful advice and support here, and I also take exception to her comments.
    She obviously has no activity she's passionate about [with the possible exception of him] , maybe.
    I hope you can come back.
    We'll miss you.
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2014
  13. CALz AyrWKz

    CALz AyrWKz Moderator Mod

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    Ms. Lady and fiancée to my friend, if you are reading this thread, being a woman that knows what responsibility is and what duties to the household mean. I hold a full time job which can be very stressful with lots of deadlines and I've been able to balance it all and still have time for my husband and my passion. This provides an outlet for me to relax and just unwind. I manage to keep my house in order (and everyone in it), get the laundry done, etc. etc. etc. What do you like to do when you're not working? Do you like to shop for clothes? What is it that you like to do in your free time? Imagine if my friend here said YOU CAN'T SHOP ANYMORE!! How would you feel? You'd probably dump him. Well, my friend here apparently loves you very much. In order to have a good relationship, you have to let the other person be who they are. Being a dictator over the other does not make a good marriage and, maybe not now, but later in your marriage he will resent you for it. Its the balancing part that you both need to work on. The others are right, he could be doing much worse things. And, if he's good at airbrushing.. he can make lots of money with it and buy you nice things! :)
  14. Squishy

    Squishy Queen Clown Slayer Mod Artist of the Month!

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    So sorry to hear that. She is your family, you love each other and that has to come first. But it doesn't sound like much of a compromise. Before I found this hobby which I admit I am obsessed with, I had years of dealing with my husbands obsession, riding and building motorbikes. There were times it frustrated me, and if he went off for a ride on his own i occasionally felt left out. But everyone needs their downtime and that was his, I like to read or play guitar to relax, he likes to ride. I took the "if you can't beat them join them" approach and learnt to ride, and find my way round a spanner (up to a point) so that from time to time I could join in. We went to bike shows and events, quite often camping out, and the kids came too, and had some great times - you can have a hobby and still have quality time. (as a working mother, it's a bit insulting that someone assumes that because you have a hobby, your family is neglected. It can be inclusive) The kids loved camping, and there were quite often bands - some of them very famous, that have led them to love live music to this day, and other activities at the camp sites that they would not otherwise have experienced. It was fun for us too, and because he was happy, we were happy. And because he knew he would be able to do his thing without aggravation, he happily came along and did all the other things that me and the kids liked to do too.

    Now that I have found airbrushing, he understands how I feel about it, and has learnt a bit about it, just so he knows what I'm banging on about, and has been nothing but supportive. I think he even feels relieved at xmas and birthdays, as he'll always know what to get me LOL. The kids are older now, but they show an interest and have a try now and then, and we both take an interest in their hobbies. And above it all, we all make the effort to spend time doing things together. It doesn't always work out admittedly, now and again things clash, or get missed, but it's a compromise that works on the whole, we have a really close family, and after 22 years of marriage it's something I'm proud of.

    Maybe that's the part that hasn't worked out, you haven't had time with each other, as well as you spending time on ABing, and she is feeling pushed out. Hopefully she will see how much you love her by doing this, and as I'm sure she loves you the same, and will want you to be happy, will be able to come up with a compromise that you will both be happy with. Maybe she could learn to AB too, so you could spend some of that time together, or find something that she is interested in and you can set aside time each week for you both to do your own thing, which I personally think is a healthy thing for any relationship.

    I know you say you won't give it up altogether, but it will be hard to progress, and improve without a certain amount of time invested. She seems to be feeling shut out of this part of your life, but you will come to resent not being allowed to do it. I hope you can both find a happy medium that will allow you both to be happy, and have a happy and healthy relationship long into the future.
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2014
  15. VikingNerd

    VikingNerd Elite Member! Elite Member!

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    Ouch

    By suppressing something a loved one is passionate about, don't you limit them on thier growth? I can understand the difference between obssession and hobby, but I don't think I could ever look at my loved one and say "No, you waste too much time doing what you enjoy. Stop doing it." I feel bad for that man. Get ready for the long haul brother! We don't attempt to change the ones we love, we learn to accept them as they are. This is only the first thing.......
  16. flycatchr

    flycatchr Detail Decepticon!

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    welll written squish
  17. kaiilla

    kaiilla Double Actioner

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    Hey "Wan"
    Just as a point of starting.. She does have a point to make that you are "wasting time" with this foolishness. Most of us do have a bit of a tendency to "obsess" and spend too much time pursuing our "interests" especially when they are new to us. And to her there is no value to be gained from the airbrushing. ie do you sell your work? If so how often and for how much and what is your profit margin? in her eye's the time you spend on it is little different than say ...video gaming for instance. Lots of hours and the time is GONE, with no return for the time invested.
    This is all especially true if she has no frame of reference to equate it to. (hobbies of her own) Most people that do not have a creative side do not go in for hobbies.
    When I was young and started fighting in the SCA,I spent huge amounts of time and took time and energy away from even my real job to spend on it. Same with airbrushing on and off.

    So airbrushing itself is not the problem, it is the time you spend doing something that she sees no value from. I would suggest a proposed compromise of specific times/hours that you can "Play" at whatever "stupid & mindless" activities float your boat.

    That way you and she will not feel that the other is infringing on your wants and desires.
  18. Wan2BCreative

    Wan2BCreative Young Tutorling

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    Came back just to see the replies. I quickly brushed through most of them, a little short on time. Now I know she logged on to this board and read some of those. She used some of this as "ammunition" in our recent blowouts.
    She moved out this morning. I'm done.
    Everyone here has been great in helping me along the way. Thank you.
    That is why I originally posted this thread. It is my opinion that I am conveying my respect to you by informing you why I would not be coming back.
    Now that has changed a bit.
    I will not be returning because this forum will be a constant reminder.
    My apologies my friends.
  19. JackEb

    JackEb The Dragon Hunter Staff Member Admin

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    I'm sorry that part of your life is over for you, it's never easy, but I can't help but think you are better off ! Now you need to concentrate on YOU. What do YOU want out of life, and out of a partner ??
    I speak first hand in that you will likely have a rough few months while you settle your emotions down, and I found hobbies a great way to 'de-stress " ( it was dressmaking at the time )
    In time you will do what everyone else in this situation does . . . . Get on with their life !
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2014
  20. flycatchr

    flycatchr Detail Decepticon!

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    Hi Wan.
    If she was logging in to check up on you, and she saw everything and she aslo saw that you had gracefully and loveingly excused yourself and yet she STILL both argued and used what she read as ammunition, you are way better off man.

    anyway - Fly's advice for young peeps:
    (which I try tell as many peeps as possible because I didn't listen to this advice and it would have saved me a lot of angst - but I am still married after more than 15 years)
    look at your potential date....long and hard, then look at her mother - because that is how she will turn out, then look at how she treats her father, because that it how she will treat you. (the opposite is true of guys :)

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